Elders, Respect and Decoration Day

From my earliest years and recollections, my Mother taught me to respect and honor my elders. All elders were either “Grandmothers,” (ulisis ),“Grandfathers” (ududus), Aunts (elogis) or Uncles (edutsis).

Somewhere around six years of age I think, my Grandfather and I were in his old truck headed to the Liberty Church and cemetery down near the Tradewater River in Caldwell County where my Grandmother had been buried years before. She had died from complications of diabetes and usually weekly, although remarried, he would go to pay his respects and I would accompany him as often as I could.

I still remember that old cemetery because many years on “Decoration Day,” commonly referred to now as Memorial Day at the last of May, my Mom and Dad would take me there to join others from my Mother’s family – “The Gunthers” and “The Bailey” clan to clean graves, reline them with mussel shells, plant flowers and plants and pay our respects.

There would be a “dinner on the grounds” and a lot of food spread on tables made from chicken wire strung between trees and wrapped on top of 2x4s. The more musically talented would come and bring their instruments and the church would be opened for them to play and quartets to sing hymns.

On that particular day coming home from the cemetery one of Mr. Morgan’s hearses escorted by the Sheriff’s car with red lights flashing in those days came slowly moving toward us in the other lane. A long trail of cars, all with their headlights on followed the black Cadillac hearse like a tail on a kite.

My Grandfather and all the cars and trucks behind us – he had built up quite a line driving his usual 45 miles an hour (“No reason son to hurry, if we get home too fast we just have to go back to chores,” he would say slowly with a big smile) – would pull to the side of the road, step out, remove their old work caps or hats and stand with their heads bowed.

There I stood alongside my Grandfather towering over me at 6’6, me a little fellow of not much more than 4’2. He would hold my hand and when the last car had passed we would all get back into our cars and trucks and resume our journeys.

That was respect.

Even today I always pull over on the two-lane roads and exit my car and stand reverently. I also have done so on Interstate highways when the funeral procession in the other lanes is escorted by law enforcement.

Many people would proclaim this to be downright crazy these days with the rush everyone has to get to where they are going as fast as they can yet, that was how I was taught and now some 72 years later I still show respect for those who have “passed over.”

That respect carried over all these years. For more than two decades, I would on the three-day Memorial Day weekend walk 58,479 steps in memory of my brothers and sisters who died in the Vietnam War.

I can no longer accomplish that feat in the three-day weekend however now accomplish three times that amount each May averaging 168,512 steps for the month.

Although we will all enjoy the holiday weekend, let us not forget that Memorial Day started as “Decoration Day.”

The holiday, which is celebrated every year on the final Monday of May, was formerly known as Decoration Day and originated after the American Civil War to commemorate the Union and Confederate soldiers who died in the Civil War. By the 20th century, Memorial Day had been extended to honor all Americans who have died while in military service.

Many people visit cemeteries and memorials, particularly to honor those who have died in military service. Many volunteers place an American flag on each grave in national cemeteries.

Annual Decoration Days for particular cemeteries are held on a Sunday in late spring or early summer in some rural areas of the American South, notably in the mountains.

In cases involving a family graveyard where remote ancestors as well as those who were deceased more recently are buried, this may take on the character of an extended family reunion to which some people travel hundreds of miles. People gather on the designated day and put flowers on graves and renew contact with kinfolk and others.

There often is a religious service and a “dinner on the ground,” the traditional term for a potluck meal in which people used to spread the dishes out on sheets or tablecloths on the grass.

It is believed that this practice began before the American Civil War and thus may reflect the real origin of the “memorial day” idea.

I ask you to take a moment and remember all those who sacrificed their lives so that we might enjoy our freedom and liberty in a country even with all its problems that is still the greatest on Earth.

God bless you, and your families, and God bless America.

23 May 2023