Mary “Brooksie” Howard – My “Mom” Passes at Age 81

From the Back of Eddy Creek on Lake Barkley – This was not a surprise to me but it is one of those things that you are never ready to accept. This is the letter I wrote to her daughter Mary Brooks today. Rest in peace “Mom” you can never be replaced. Love, peace and grace, Dr. Darryl

My dearest Mary Brooks – I do know how difficult this is and there are not words that would provide the comfort and support that you rightly deserve and need. Brooksie, as you know, was the chosen “Mom” in my “adopted” family and although I knew this was inevitable – God spared me and her for a little while longer after her near death experience – there is still no way that you can ever prepare yourself for this.

When I think back to the times when Brooksie counseled and consoled me – and some of those times were pretty dark – I am always reminded of my 27th year sitting in a hallway in Indianapolis when your Mom gave me some sage advice – hard to hear at 27 but that rings in my ears at 60. She told me that life as we know it is pretty damn short in relative terms and that you best grab all the brass rings while you can because one day the merry go round stops. Believe it or not we were both sober when she gave me that advice.

Well, I did grab a number of those rings and let some pass me by that I should have reached for – she would remind me of that now and then in her usual “Old Broad” sort of way. As you know she was – at least with me – not hesitant to voice her opinions or give her advice. In many ways I really appreciated it – even when I didn’t like it very much.

What you probably don’t know though about your Mom was that she, and Bert, Don, Weldon, Marilyn Col. L.B., Doris, and MaryAnne (my “adopted” family) probably taught me more than any book learning ever could have about life, people and love.

Brooksie was always the high spirited “Mom” in my life – the one who told it to me like it was – and then I could sort out things from there. She didn’t approve of some of my friends during my single years and then as she did with Kay – adopted some of them as part of her own family. I was always grateful that I married “up” as she would say and I am pretty sure she was relieved that Kay would have me as opposed to at least one other young lady who had her eye on me. LOL

I learned more about Abe than I probably ever wanted to know and loved arguing with her over the “rumors” of his real origins. We were quick to note that when we visited Mr. Jeff Davis’s home in Biloxi that we were from Kentucky and got a great reception – I had to hold your Mom back about owning Mr. Abe’s Boyhood Home of course to keep from offending the docent who secretly advised that the real story was that Mr. Abe was really a “bastard”.

When it came to travel shows, your Mom and Bert were legendary for her complaining about Bert never stopping for a bathroom break – she would later tell Bert that was the origin of his own bladder cancer – and I have always heeded her advice – mostly about stopping at all rest stops that I have never stopped at before.

Always the first to pile into the van – she never missed a side trip to Toronto or Cleveland if she was in Detroit and UK was playing and we could get it on the radio in Cleveland. I lost count of the nights that we made those trips back and forth just to hear the Cats play. Win or lose really made little mind – it was all about the camaraderie of “family”.

Your Mom tried many times to prepare me for her passing even years ago – she and Bert were both want to give me advice about remembering that life does go on even when those we love pass over. Bert even went as far as to advise me about being careful about getting “attached” to my dogs – even though he loved his “Little Black Bitch” that Carolyn had as much as I loved mine.

I guess I go through all this rambling to tell you that although I never really felt loved much at home – I was the child that always went to my room and read while my Mom and Dad argued over something or another – but I always felt loved by your Mom and the “family” – maybe as I said in an email to “Dad” – it was because I chose that family and I think I chose well.

And so although I am sad and heartbroken – my heart has been broken a lot over the years but it always seems to mend even though it takes longer and longer these days – I knew this day would come sooner rather than later – your Mom and I got to talk after her near death experience several times and I knew and she did as well where things were headed – but what I always liked was she retained her “Old Broad” spirit with me whether she felt like doing it or not.

In some respects the NDE was probably the best thing that could happen for the both of us – I got to tell her I loved her and still do – and I got some sage advice and wisdom which she was want to share with me always.

So, you know – I love you Mary Brooks – I probably have never said that – but I do – and I will always cherish the time and attention, advice and counsel your Mom took the time to share with me – an old boy from the wrong side of the tracks in rural western Kentucky who one day “adopted” a bunch of mentors who became the “family” he always wanted and needed.

Simper Fi – Your loving “Brother” – Darryl